How deep can this grief get? Every day, I am happier and happier, and I have more energy. Not a day passes where I do not cry like a terrified child for her. And everytime, it is deeper. I thought I had reached the bottom of my soul and heart, and had given it all. But there is just a fathomless feeling that this grief goes down to the roots of life and the end of it. And I want it. I possess and embrace and adore this grief. I hope that in Heaven she can experience how completely broken I have become. I hope it only gets worse until I am in her arms again. I used to seek joy and pleasure. Now, I look forward to this time of hot tears and shaking and sadness. It is my love, my passion.