I wake up, my heart in my throat. The heat is too high. The cat, curled between my legs, too familiar.These sleeping angels, now some kind of duty served...I am panicking. I am dying, and afraid of it. Really, Jon? REALLY?! After you called them off? After that last ten minutes? What were you doing? Being considerate of the doctors? Of the people in the lobby? What the fuck were you thinking? How dare you fear anything now?


I waved my hand.
My last command.
My last remains of the day.

They stared through me,
As I let you free,
Thinking things there is no way to say.

You lay there, your blank stare,
offering no solace, no advice.
I looked at the clock, but already knew
The answer that I sought.
You were gone.
Your big dilated shark eyes
Spilled forth volumes of nothing
And told me with no strength
You were not there anymore.
I raised my hand
To my throat.
And
With one swift gesture.
Signaled cut.

The cast and crew
Looked frantic through
All efforts were in vain.
The stage had been set
Before us yet
For one last beautiful refrain

But like a fire,
From a funeral pyre,
The air was robbed from our lungs,
And for what we fought
And fought
Andf hoped,
Came helplessly undone.

Eyes darted, some averted,
Some pierced. Some there percieved.
That all was lost, and I knew that now,
And the burden lay with me.
To release us all,
You least of all, and to let us all go free.

It was a trick that would not stick,
least of all with me.
For still I stand,
One commanding hand,
Poised blade like at my throat
Forever it will demand
To rethink that last command,
That finally set you afloat...

I wrote this a month ago or longer. When it crosses my mind, I begin to crawl out of my skin, a brown and shellaced entity, looking for a blue filter and low lumens to hide in.