Thank you

Thank you for your life,
You did not have to share with me
All of that growing
All of that learning
All of that loving
All of you.  My soul runs deep because of you.


I watched you labor.
I watched you hurt.
And cry.
and...


I watched you die from grief.
And yet, you chose me. 
You chose me to be by your side.
How could you do that?
You told me I had a deep heart,
And that is why you loved me.


Thank you.
Thank you for your life.


Thank you for your death.
That of all the men, of all the messes,
I could be the one, 
The one to hurt this hurt.
The one to say,
I KNEW her.
I grieve for her, the way she grieved.
She taught me.


And Oh! Stout heart of a man.
I tried. 
I tried hard. I did not sleep for days.
I did not eat.
Coffee and Whiskey were my only sustainance.
But I could not do it
I cried and screamed until my throat and bowels bled.
But I could not die in grief.
I know love, because I stood in it's heat.
But you, my love, were the fire I drew near to.
I will never see anything but luminous life.
Because you loved me enough,
To let me share in your death. 
Thank you.











 ²⁰ “Why is light given to him who is in misery, 
   and life to the bitter in soul, 
²¹ who long for death, but it comes not, 
   and dig for it more than for hidden treasures, 
²² who rejoice exceedingly 
   and are glad when they find the grave? 
²³ Why is light given to a man whose way is hidden, 
   whom God has hedged in? 
²⁴ For my sighing comes instead of^[a] my bread, 
   and my groanings are poured out like water. 
²⁵ For the thing that I fear comes upon me, 
   and what I dread befalls me. 
²⁶ I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; 
   I have no rest, but trouble comes.”